Mar 23 2017
To My Safely Ever After readers: Below, a family shares their powerful victim impact statement. Written by “C”., the victim’s mother, as she faced what no parent should ever have to face… the child molester who victimized her son, in court. The molester received a minimum of 25 years, thanks to the hard work of the detectives & prosecutors, but in particular to her young son, TR, who was brave enough to come forward. I couldn’t be more proud of him, and I am grateful for his strength in wanting to help others. This is their story and they want to share it so that others may be helped. It does contain some graphic language, so please be mindful of any possible emotional triggers.
T.R., A TRUE SURVIVOR / 12 YEARS OLD
On Sept. 1, 2004, my life completely changed. At 4:24pm, our beautiful son, “TR” entered my life, kicking and screaming. What a wonderful surprise this child was, and so loved. He joined our family with Bella, his adoring big sister and his proud father, Michael.
On August 25, 2016, just one week before TR’s 12th birthday, my life completely changed again. This time it was NOT a wonderful surprise. It was a life altering, mind-blowing change that I never could have foreseen. I found out that a man who I had considered my brother, and whom my son called his “uncle/best friend” had molested my sweet boy. I can no longer think of this man as a brother or friend. He will now forever be known to me as scum.
At first, the details were limited. I received a call from my best friend telling me that her 35 year old son had done nasty things to my son. Initially she told me these incidents started when my son was 3. Apparently the most recent was a video of my son in the defendant’s car. In this video, my son was masturbating under the direction of this piece of dirt.
Then my husband and I received a call from Detective S. and it got worse. She told me there was evidence of abuse of other children as well, and believed these incidents went back 15-20 years. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. How had I not seen this monster lurking inside the defendant? Worse, how had I allowed my son to be so accessible to this man? The guilt and shame I feel is still with me to this day, and I don’t know if I will ever forgive myself for being so blind.
The one saving grace was the timing that this revelation reared its ugly head. TR would have been with this scum just 2-3 days later for approximately 2 weeks. God knows what more could have been done to TR during that time. I will always be so grateful to the three additional families for having the strength and courage to report the abuse their boys had suffered as well. On top of what they were going through, they thought of TR immediately, and wanted to make sure he was safe. These are amazing people.
I flew down to get TR from my sister’s in South Carolina. I, then, had to do the best acting of my life for the next week, pretending all was good in the world before TR had his interview with the FBI. Thankfully that was done the day after TR’s birthday so he was allowed one more “Normal” birthday. Seeing my son after the interview, with tears in his eyes and such a broken expression was almost more than I could bear.
As more details came out, my foothold on life crumbled piece by piece. To find out that my son was tied to a bed and had oral sex done to him was torturous. Then to find out that there was a second perpetrator who took video of these incidents was crushing. There were pictures and videos of my wonderful son that should never have been made nor seen by anyone. Not the pictures from birthdays, family outings and playing his beloved soccer. But disgusting, immoral, depraved images.
But the worse hit, so far, was being told that the SCUM forced my son to watch these videos with him. What was he trying to do? Create another monster such as himself? To take such advantage of one of the most sweet, considerate and loving children you could ever meet, is beyond my comprehension. I have been told that the scum thought of TR as “special” and likely did not share these images with anyone other than his disgusting collaborator. That does not give me any solace because I no longer believe or trust anything involving this individual.
But this statement should be about TR. I want you to know the real TR, not the one that has been so wrongly depicted in the images and actions taken by this worthless individual. My son is such a compassionate person. He always wants to help his fellow friend. And honestly, you don’t need to be TR’s friend to feel the effects of his caring nature. When TR was about 3-4 years old, he dressed up as a doctor for Halloween. We were trick or treating with friends and suddenly I couldn’t find him. I was panicked. All of a sudden, I saw him in the garage of a neighbor. A little girl had fallen and hurt her knee. My TR took her home to make sure she was ok. He did not even know this child, but he cared.
To give you another example of his loving nature, TR is an avid soccer player. He loves to watch it and more importantly, he loves to play it. But people get hurt playing this game. TR will rush to the side of anyone who gets hurt. And that person does not have to be his teammate. TR just wants to know that person will be ok and has support when needed. This defendant tried to use TR’s goodness against himself.
I asked TR how he felt about the whole situation, and he looked at a suggested questionnaire to help him discuss his feelings.
He does suffer from anxiety and sleep loss. There have been times when he has come to me because he can’t sleep because of the images running through his head. TR is in counseling, and he does speak to her to some extent and we have had some conversations about the abuse he has suffered but in a limited manner. He is such a compassionate and caring child that he is afraid to say anything to me because he doesn’t want to upset me. He is also afraid, because this disgusting excuse for a human being had told him if he ever told anyone, TR would be the one who would get in trouble. To put that pressure on a young child is heinous.
But guess what, Mr. SCUM? TR is not in trouble. In fact, he is more loved and adored because of his bravery in admitting the truth. Truth is a word that you have manipulated in your mind to suit your own needs. Your SICK and distorted “truth” was that you “didn’t hurt anyone and that this is your way of showing “special” love to TR!” (?!) This was NOT love. This was manipulation for your own selfish, repulsive needs. And I do not accept the excuse that you are “sick.” And I do not believe that you could not have received help for this before August 2016. The help is there, it was just a matter of seeking it out which you CHOSE NOT to do. After getting away with this for so many years, you probably felt invincible and untouchable.
But now the real truth is here, and you have been brought down to the depths that you should forever live in. You like to be touched? I am sure your cell mates will be happy to touch you. Even they know you are the lowest of the low and deserve to be treated as such. I hope you receive back a hundred fold all the pain and suffering you inflicted on TR. Pain is so much more than just a physical manifestation.
You have stolen my son’s childhood. You have violated boundaries that should be sacrosanct. He now has to learn to develop techniques to help him deal with this for the rest of his life and to learn how to fully trust another person.
You have KILLED the person TR was supposed to be.
You tried to break TR’s spirit and loving nature. I am here to tell you that you have not.
TR tells us that he is no longer a victim but a survivor. He knows that this will be a part of him for the rest of his life, but he and we will not let this define him for the rest of his life. He is in counseling and they are amazed at his progress and resiliency. This is in spite of all you did and who you tried to make him be. He will not be a monster. In spite of you, he will be a considerate, loving, compassionate and thoughtful person who is an asset to the world around him. He will be the best man he can be in life. He is the love of my life and nothing you say or did will ever change that.